Monday, August 22, 2011

Lake Tahoe Time

I am in Lake Tahoe with my sister and husband.  It is absolutely beautiful!  Unfortunately, we are here because of my father's sickness and ultimately his passing.  A few months ago, he offered his week-long vacation (fully paid) to us because he realized he would be too sick to travel, especially if he were still undergoing chemotherapy.  We really appreciated the offer and obviously accepted it without much thought.  We have only been here 2 full days and already I am wondering how I can make the most of the remaining 5 days.

Why is it that when I am given an opportunity to relax, refresh, rejuvenate, my mind spins on things that will destroy this relaxation and rejuvenation?  School resumes in less than 3 weeks, and my thoughts continue to drift to what I should be doing to be better prepared for the opening of the school year.  This is insane and ridiculous.  Do I need therapy?  Do I need someone to tell me "give it a break and just relax!"  What do I need?  Maybe I need someone to say, "Hey, I do that too!"  Misery loves company, but I don't want to be miserable!

I look out at the picturesque and breathtaking views from this perfect resort, and I see possibilities, strange curiosities, and really ridiculous insanities.  It's possible that people really do have fun on vacations even when they have full knowledge that in a matter of days their bliss will come tumbling down and they will be back to the daily grind of work.  It's possible that some people go on vacations once in their lifetimes and therefore what I see them doing is appreciating the blessing.  It's possible that a few people, like me, appreciate the time away but don't know what to do when their minds won't just stop spinning new thoughts.

I am curious to know why there are so few opportunities like these that have come to me.  Why is it that I had never been here before and wonder if I will ever have the chance to visit again, possibly in the winter, to witness what so many other people around the world have witnessed.  Snow-capped forests and mountains are seen from the freeway by my house, but very rarely are they seen up close.

I am driving myself insane with wondering what, why, how, when, who, and where.  I don't really want to think about any of it anymore. I just want to enjoy this blessing and see the people, places, and experiences as once-in-a-lifetime moments that I get to re-live for 7 days.

I have a few minutes left before I need to figure out dinner.  I decided that I won't think about that...I will take a nap instead!